How to stop being a pleaser

“Remember, you have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
Louise L. Hay, You Can Heal Your Life

*Edit: I felt like I need to add a very important part I forgot to mention. When I say “don’t let anybody criticize your lifestyle” and “be yourself”, I obviously mean that you should only pay attention to constructive criticism and not to sterile criticism. If i.e. people in your life are showing rightful concern for your lifestyle and therefore criticizing you for it in a loving and healthy way, that is to say keeping in mind your higher good, then of course you should pay attention to it. Self-analysis and self-criticism is healthy and it allows us to evolve. However, when the critism only aims to destroy your sense of self-worth and does not aim to your highest good, than it is just rubbish or sterile criticism.
Loving yourself doens’t mean you should become an entitled asshole who’s oblivious to its own flaws. It just means that you should try to be your best version and surround yourself with people who want your highest (and their highest) good.*

There is little we can do about it: some people just don’t like us and no matter how hard we try to please them, their opinion is not going to change. Ever.
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Whether this is taking place inside your family or  your circle of friends and acquaintances, you might end up feeling like you are never going to be good enough for them. No matter how hard you try to become a person they can be proud of, you will never truly have their approval and they won’t see you differently. They seem somehow stuck with a previous idea they had of you and nothing can change that.  The urge to do just about anything to feel accepted and to please everyone is a sign of your own insecurity. But the truth is, you don’t need external love to start loving yourself. Taking care of yourself is not only your priority but also the essential feature which will determine how healthy your relationships with others will be from now on. tumblr_lm8y73v2nz1qapt3zo1_500
Insecurity becomes a real issue when you get to the point where being accepted is somehow more important than being happy and at peace with yourself. Therefore, you might end up behaving in a way that is not yours or make decisions in secret hope that by doing so, you are going to be respected and loved by those around you. But once you get there, you realize nothing has really changed and you are still as anxious to be accepted as ever.
self-love
Here’s a list of the things you need to remember:  

  • You can’t please everyone. As much as you want to believe that you can, you actually cannot please every single person in your life. You are not living to be a portrait of what they consider to be successful. You are here to be yourself.
  • The US President theory. This is something I came up with and I always repeat it to myself when I feel that I am not good enough or someone wants me to meet unrealistic standards. I say to myself: “Remember, even if you were the US President, that wouldn’t be good enough for some people anyways. You might as well be yourself and have fun in the process”. 
  • Be aware of your self-worth. Appreciating yourself and being proud of who you are is crucial in order to live a healthier, happier life. Knowing that no matter what others think of you, you will always have your biggest fan inside of you will make you less anxious to please others.
  • There’s the door. This should become your mantra. Surround yourself with people who respect you and love you for who you truly are as a person. Don’t allow anyone to criticize your lifestyle and choices just because you gave them a place in your heart. Life is too short to make it a kingdom of negativity. If anyone mistreats you, kindly point to them the nearest door. Don’t forget to lock it.
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I hope you liked the tips. Please share this article with anyone you know who might benefit from it. Do you want me to discuss a specific topic?

Email me: hermetickitten@gmail.com
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Hello! I am Kiki and I make ASMR videos on youtube. My aim is to relax you and tingle you! I am a translator who also happens to write a lot. Being a writer has always been my lifelong dream. I am also very fond of languages. I hope you will have fun on my website! Love and hugs Kiki

8 thoughts on “How to stop being a pleaser

  1. I was never myself because people hate the way I am and I thought being someone else will gain some respect from others. After reading this it changed my mind. I should surround myself with people who like me the way I am. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly, Dennis! Surround yourself with people who truly get you and connect to you on a deeper level. We are not here to be perfect or to fit in the sterile mold others have prepared for us. we’re here to be our true selves and fulfill our highest purpose. 💕💗

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  2. Interesting. I am always trying to stop myself from worrying about what others think of me. I’ve always felt a bit ‘different’, that is, since I was a child I have always been interested in completely different things from the people close to me like my family, and instead of being encouraging, they criticized and tried to steer me into other things. This might be the root of my anxiety that I have now, who knows? So yes, these are very helpful tips indeed! I have that Louise Hay book, in print as well as audio – I think I will pop it onto my player for another listen! Thank you Kiki 💕💕

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally understand you, Peter. I personally believe that we should all feel free to be our true selves regardless of what others think of us. Constructive criticism is so helpful, but pointless criticism can cut our wings, especially if we are very sensitive. And it is even more difficult when people we love or look up to hurt us. But freedom should always prevail, as not only we will benefit from it, but also those around us. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  3. En definitiva, usted busca la aceptación del prójimo al hacer esto, lo haría de otro modo? no busca el amor externo para apreciarse a usted misma? veo q lo hace en su labor de youtube. Cómo sabe de las personas en su vida son las correctas o si está actuando con discriminación solo porque le critican? hay q ver si es usted el problema o ellos, ¿como saberlo? en todo caso discriminar así es malo.
    Además el informe promueve la falta de autocrítica y el rechazo a la ajena. Es muy debatible el informe

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    1. Estimada Maria, lo que traté de expresar es este artículo es que cada persona de nuestra vida real (amigos, familiares..) puede tener opiniones acerca de nosotros, pero eso no tiene porqué afectarnos o hacernos tomar decisiones que no tomaríamos simplemente para ser aceptados, ya que en mi opinión eso es algo que nos aleja de nuestro verdadero yo. Autocriticarse es de lo contrario muy importante, ya que si no lo hacemos, no podemos evolucionar. Por eso las críticas constructivas siempre son las bienvenidas, las críticas que no considero pertientes son las que no miran al bienestar de la persona juzgada, sino que a herirla y hacer un sabotaje de su evolución. Si este discurso no tiene sentido para Usted, estoy segura de que Usted tiene todas las razones para pensar eso. Le deseo todo lo mejor, que tenga un buen día!

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  4. Bellissimo questo articolo, dovrei leggerlo ogni mattina!
    Io temo abbastanza il giudizio altrui e cerco di essere sempre perfetta, sempre in linea con quello che devo fare, sempre in ordine, vestita bene, truccata bene, controllo quello che mangio, quello che bevo, eventuali dolori, malesseri… controllo ogni cosa e alla fine vengo sopraffatta da tutto (e non riesco nemmeno a seguire quello che mi ero prefissata)! Sono alla continua ricerca di una perfezione che non posso raggiungere e questo mi fa stare molto male.. Ogni errore o ritardo sulla mia tabella di marcia pesa quanto un macigno.
    Seguirò i tuoi consigli, le tue parole sono come una carezza.
    Un bacione Kiki <3<3

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